Grandma's Passed Away

Wednesday

mum told me that grandma's in SGH again. i tot it's nothing very serious as she's often in and out of the hosp. i didnt visit her due to projects.

Thursday

mum went to the hosp directly after work as my grandma slipped into comatose due to wound infection. thought of visiting her on fri nite or sat. 4am. after finish consolidating the surveys in Excel, mum came into my room saying that the doctor wants to send her into ICU as her condition worsened. 40deg fever. dad,mum,aunt and uncle reached hosp at 7am. just as they were discussing with the doc whether to admit into ICU (which is like $3k a night) my grandma fought her last battle in the ward. it was 9.23am. mum called me while i was asleep at home. at a loss, i dunno why but i went ahead to get my PDL and went for a haircut and serviced my dad's phone before going to the funeral that was set up by noon. it was our first time being so lost. with all relatives including ourselves being non-christians, we had to handle a christian funeral. honestly i'd prefer a christian funeral. everything was much simpler. no jossticks, no incense paper, no prists and no saddening rituals. oh yah. christian funeral is also more affordable than buddhist's. like 2 or 3 times cheaper.

all relatives and guests need to do was to bow, and can look at her body which was optional, and can sit down and catch up with other relatives. we family members can also go around serving guests and chat with them this way. my dad's youngest sis, i.e. my youngest aunt, was so kind as she and her husband came 3 days straight, up till today when the funeral ended. she even consoled my when my grandma is being pushed into the flames. some of my dad's side ppl (whom my mum always talk bad about) came to send my grandma off. and not even 1 from my mum's real sisters (this grandma adopted my mum) came.

church friends were also very,very kind. although my grandma only joined a year ago, quite alot of ppl from the church (cell group?im not sure) came. some even cried more than us. very generous with 'white gold' also. the pastor's mum, who was my grandma's good friend since, helped us alot. had to choose my grandma's tablet, or wad u call tt piece of granite with cravings and picture on it. it was on promotion, $580. hurhur. black granite with italy-processed picture and mandai's very own marble urn.

Friday

Cremation day. most of us slept in the tent near my grandma last night. had breakfast and lunch b4 some guests came for the cremation. there's quite alot of services held by the pastor, although i dun understand alot. but i always cry when Amazing Grace was sang. we all walked behind the coffin van.. and it was amazing grace again. got up the bus and headed off to mandai. it was like the condo for the deceased. went to the service hall for the last service.. and the place was like WHOA. high-tech. den after placing white flower on the coffin, we had to once again stand in a row and relatives and friends shook our hands b4 we heads to the viewing hall. another WHOA room. instead of the usual procedure where there will a conveyor belt pushing coffin into huge flames that were visible, this time we stood by the glass panels and at the bottom, the coffin was being moved slowly by a machine into a dark hole where fire cannot be seen. we were told to say 'byebye' to grandma. everyone cried.

proceeded to the resting hall where we had drinks and toilet break. nice toilet with the 1st cubicle for kids with the mini toilet bowl. den we proceeded back to the bus and came back to grandma's hse and cleared everything. everything ended.

my grandma's feet were rather deformed, not sure if it was due to diabeties or she got abused by my great-grandma. having difficulty to walk, she spent most of her time treating her forever wounded feet, going hosp to checkup and coming home with hundreds of pills to pop. i remember helping her to pop out the medicines and placed them in bottles. she used to be a devout buddhist, often goes to the temple for the prayers session whenever she can. until last year, after one particular hospital stay, she knew this young handsome doctor who was from Trinity Christian Church. he introduced her into christainity, and to our surprise she converted from buddhist to christian and was even baptisted. honestly i was disppointed in her and i thought she changed, until wad i heard from the pastor's mum today. she said my grandma always pray for us, her children and grandchildren at the church instead of herself. and that she became a more cheerful person ever since, and always show up whenever she can with a smile on her face. oh and it was a pity that this doctor happened to be overseas at the moment and cant send my grandma off. my grandma doted on me most out of the 5 grandchildren, partly due to my late grandfather's love for me when he's alive. i did not reciprocate her love for me.

and it saddens me whenever innocent children ask those questions. my 5 yr old cousin was told that 'ah ma is slping inside' but i told her ah ma die liao. but she kept asking when will she wake up and come back. yesterday while trying to slp, she asked me how will ah ma get wind from the fan when she's enclosed. and she kept looking at her body, asking why ah ma is inside. and when i ask her if she loves ah ma, she nodded her head and said 'ai'. just now after the whole thing ended, she asked 'where's clementi ah ma?' =(( she still cant understand that her younger aunt, my aunt is going to be living alone from now on. i've not heard from my grandma for abt a mth. and i realised that she's gone b4 she can finish the meat floss cracker i bought in KL.


Bye Bye, Grandma. I'll miss you.